So, I have a three year old and a two month old and I will be pretty candid in saying that parenting is tough and wow does it put a strain on your marriage. Despite all the magic and joy, bickering appears to be at an all-time high and the connection you once shared seems like a distant memory.
Studies by John Gottman and Nan Silver, renowned relationship experts, show that a couple is most likely to get divorced in the first two years of their first child’s life!
Needless to say, after venting to a girlfriend of mine who also happens to be a therapist, about some or other argument between my husband and I, she recommended Jancee Dunn’s “How not to hate your husband after kids”.
So, here’s a summery for y’all…
The book is a candid and humorous exploration of the challenges couples face after having children, particularly the strain it can put on their relationship. It blends personal anecdotes, expert advice, and practical strategies to help couples navigate these tough times.
Here's a summary of the key points:
Main Themes:
Real-Life Struggles: Dunn shares her own experiences with marital discord after the birth of her daughter, offering a relatable and honest perspective on the frustrations many new parents feel.
Communication: Emphasizes the importance of open, honest, and respectful communication between partners to resolve conflicts and avoid misunderstandings.
Division of Labor: Addresses the common issue of unequal distribution of household and parenting responsibilities, and suggests ways to create a more balanced partnership.
Professional Help: Dunn consults with therapists, relationship experts, and other professionals to provide insights and practical advice for improving marital satisfaction.
Self-Care: Highlights the necessity for both partners to take care of themselves, ensuring they have the energy and emotional capacity to support each other and their family.
Key Strategies:
Regular Check-Ins: Schedule time for regular, uninterrupted conversations about each other’s needs, feelings, and responsibilities.
Fair Division of Tasks: Create a clear and fair system for dividing household chores and parenting duties.
Couple Time: Make time for each other outside of parenting duties to maintain a strong emotional connection.
Therapy: Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through persistent issues with a neutral party’s guidance.
Conflict Resolution: Learn and practice healthy conflict resolution techniques to manage disagreements constructively.
Practical Tips:
Create a Chore Chart: Use a chore chart or app to ensure tasks are evenly divided and prevent one partner from feeling overwhelmed.
Date Nights: Schedule regular date nights to keep the romance alive.
Positive Reinforcement: Encourage and appreciate each other’s efforts to foster a supportive environment.
Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries for personal time and space to recharge individually.
Dunn's book is a blend of humor, empathy, and actionable advice, making it a valuable resource for new parents looking to strengthen their relationship amidst the chaos of raising children.
Buy your copy here.